Saturday, April 18, 2009

_________________Saturday Night with Bonfire

Today we visited a family of right-wing extremists in the town of S_____. For their protection I will refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We engaged in the subversive practice of discussing the state of the economy and my current state of unemployment.

Mr. Smith was disappointed that my husband was not able to join us. Mrs. Smith and I suggested that the two of them get together for a "guys night out". "Of course," we cautioned Mr. Smith, "if you two go out together, some Homeland Security agents might think you two are plotting to overthrow the government or practice free speech or something. So, if you decide to do this, please exercise extreme caution and know that you go forth with my prayers. Be sure to stop in at a cyber cafe and talk about animal rights if you think you are under surveillance." Then Mr. Smith realized the window was open and that neighbors might hear our conversation, so he said, loudly, "Well, Mrs. Smith, what do you say we get these children fed?"

If you haven't enjoyed dinner with a family on a low-carb diet, you don't know what you are missing! Mrs. Smith and I prepared a tossed salad with grapes, cucumbers, crumbled bacon and crumbled bleu cheese, and topped the whole thing off with a fresh batch of ranch dressing made with heavy cream. There's no fear of fat or cholesterol in the Smith home! The dressing took me straight back to the 1970's when my family would eat at Coco's restaurant. I don't remember much else from the menu, but I can still close my eyes and taste the house dressing. You could put a rich dressing like that on lawn clippings and it would be delicious.

We also made Caesar Slaw - your basic coleslaw with Anchovy paste and lemon juice. Sounds awful; tastes incredible. We filled ourselves and the kids with salad and coleslaw before moving the party outdoors where we roasted weiners over the bonfire Mr. Smith had been tending. The weiners were skewered on carefully sharpened sticks (not too sharp - we didn't want neighbors to suspect that we were letting the children handle weapons.... Lord only knows the next thing they'd want to know is where we keep the weapons and ammo we're stockpiling for the Tribulation)


  1. Ok, mama, I'm in need of more updates! What dangerous activities have you been engaging in lately? (Pardon my grammar, remember I'm a rebel).

  2. Sorry-
    I spent most of my available time today writing the first draft to the sequel to the Rainbow Fish and last night I was up late (or was it the night before?) writing my resume.
    But, just for you, I'll post an update tonight about the adventures I've been having with Super Mario (he took Colin to his house in Mario World to keep him safe while he - Mario - kept a look out for the Goombas he expected to attack my house today)